Taste. Nostalgia. Music.

Strange how one sip of something can take you back to a feeling,
can take you back to the moment where you lost it all,
where you once were broken,
fallen to the ground.

It’s strange how a song could take you back,
so far,
but you cannot revert,
when there’s so much good to go forward for.

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Especially the love that brings you to life every day. The one that surprises you. The one that feels like you’ve had it your whole entire life. The one you could never be sick of. The one that lasts no matter how crazy it drives you. The one that cannot leave you, even if you try over and over again. The one that is absolutely 100% magnetic, something always brings you back or them. The one that you thought you were incapable of feeling. The one that roots for you, when you barely root for yourself. The everlasting flame of hope. The flame, that of a phoenix, that may burn to ashes every so often but is always, always, always born again, stronger, sturdier and more passionate than ever. The one you cannot live with, but find it painstakingly heart-breaking to live without.

I wrote this awhile back. The one thing i forgot to mention – love means sacrifice. Love means that you should really let them in. Love means no lies. Right? Or all truth. Why hide anything, i lust for the truth. I am thirsty for it all. Promise you would get everything in return.

Here’s the issue.

The issue here is.

It should not be about DEMEANING ME. Or making me feel as if I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Or that I AM IN THE WRONG HERE.

The issue here is you are so quick to say “You’re making a big deal”

“it isn’t that grand of an issue”

or

“Stop wasting your time”

You are so quick to blame me for overthinking, perseverating and doing whatever I was doing – because I was in fact afraid I pissed you off.

But the real questions should have been,

Why is this bothering you?

Why is me not responding affecting you?

I shouldnt be making you feel this way, how can I make it better.

 

Because now you make me feel

dumb
stupid
incompetent
foolish

when in fact I SHOULD NOT be feeling this way.

 

So

 

this needs to be fixed.

You need to own up too, sir.

Cancer.

It’s a scary word. As soon as it’s said, a hush falls over the crowd as people think of what did happen or may.

I have faith, everything happens for a reason and some battles are unavoidable. Little did I know I would be faced with inevitable.

Well not me, particularly. My beautiful, sweet Nani.

I haven’t told anyone, why say anything, she will be fine. She isn’t any different.

But then I sat, I sat and thought about it, maybe this is a big deal.

I refuse to burden anyone with the saddness of this news and I will sit and do what I always do with my worries, Pray.

But I’m not worried, she will survive. God is on her side.

 

magic

It takes over,
her every being,
the vibrations pulsating in her veins,
with every beat,
the dust causing a high to take over,
love,
was nonexistent,
all she felt was the euphoria take over,
she did not need more,
she did not want anything else,
this was it.

That was all.

let go let God.

i keep reminding myself over and over as I see my life continue to move past me. I cannot take one step forward without being taken 10 steps back

magnetic.

megentic.

i wish it were as easy as them,
but maybe it would be,
maybe.

break even.

Stuck between two

There was something about the sun that gave her life,
but the moon held her soul.

Most of the world knew darkness meant rest,
darkness meant to tuck away,
she merely found it as a time to dance her heart away.

She wanted to believe in everything,
and she did.

They told her to stay clear,
they grasped her by the arms and pulled her toward them,
the world of structure, the world of organization,
more and more they did it

The more she shook off their attempts,
running back to the heart of the moon.

one day they succeeded,
they grabbed her from her chaos,
stripping her of optimism,
dimming her with realism.

She awoke to the mundane duties of life,
slept before the moon could even greet her,
she was blinded by what she thought was happiness.

And then awoke from her nightmare,
with a tap on her window,
she looked out there, a spark of hope, a spark in her soul,
she found herself at the window,
but looked back,
her arm, grasped by reality,
she pulled away..

sneaked out toward the moon,
and felt her life whole, her soul whole, and for once
she knew she was home.